Easy button

I've thrown myself a lot of pity parties over the past few years, playing single mom while Scot is gone either training for war or doing it for real. Most of the time I wish I could wear some sort of sign on my back that explains why I am by myself with 2 kids in "x" where x equals grocery store, Target, post office, Panera, etc., etc. Why, when one (or both) is crying, that I don't have the patience to console her in that moment. Maybe it's the 10th time she's cried like that that day and there is no reason. Or maybe it's because she's sick and I don't have a choice but to take her out with me. Or maybe it's because I did my job and said no and she's not going to get her way. Or maybe it's because I'm too busy thinking about Scot and whether or not he's safe.

It doesn't matter, I feel the judgment all the time. And part of me wants to pick a fight before it starts (the disapproving looks). Head them off with a "Look, my husband is deployed. When was the last time you thought about the war? Give me a break."

But over time I've come to realize that my situation isn't anything special. People have problems. And really hard times. Mine aren't any worse than say...my dear friend who just lost her mom to cancer...another friend who lost the love of her life in a confusing breakup...an acquaintance who suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Women who are single moms all the time.

Maybe we all should get to have an "easy" button like the commercials. You get to wear it when you're going through an agonizing time and people would (should) just know to cut you some slack.

Today was different, though. Today someone was my "easy" button.

On this Memorial Day morning, I got the girls dressed in some patriotic gear and we walked over to Panera for some breakfast. I love that we can walk to Panera. But boy, I have a beast of a stroller. It's impossible to navigate through the double door entrance. But a woman opened the door for me, 2 doors for me. I thanked her profusely. We made our way over to the register, ordered some muffins, a fruit cup, and a coffee for me. As we were waiting for my coffee, a man (he was probably about 55) was making eyes at Reese and waving at her. I smiled. Ava whispered, "Mom, he's wearing a bracelet like Daddy". He laughed and asked me what she said about him. I pointed to his yellow Live Strong bracelet and told him that she said he was wearing the same bracelet as her dad. Then he walked over and gave Ava 2 dimes and a quarter "for college". She was awestruck (literally speechless) and I thanked him. My coffee came up and we made our way over to a table near the entrance. A different middle-aged man walked right in front of Ava, which caused him to stumble a little and so he huffed over to a table. I got the eyes from another table of 3 elderly people, not pleased about having us as their new neighbors.

We ate muffins and fruit. Ava was very well-behaved. Reese was a little whiny, but good for the most part. I considered it a successful outing.

I cleaned up the table and we started to make our way towards the doors. The man with the money for Ava jumped up and went to push open the doors for me. I was overcome with gratefulness. I was planning on stopping by his table anyway to thank him for being so nice to us and here he was doing it again. I told him how much I appreciated that he was being so thoughtful - I added that my husband was deployed and it really meant that much more to me for him to reach out to us, even by these simple things. I started to get the wavery teary voice and he gave me a hug. He thanked me for my husband's service and assured me he would come home safely.

He said he was just a "people person" and he liked to do something nice for at least one person each day. I told him he picked the right person. We parted ways and then he said "You made my day!" But it was he who made my day. I haven't stopped thinking about this exchange all day, it was exactly what I needed. Especially today - Memorial Day. And he reminded me of my late father-in-law Gardy, who was the same type of "people person". An angel in the right place at the right time, perhaps.

So, it was an emotional day for me, thinking about my amazing husband and how proud I am of him, even though the selfish "pity party" part of me wants him home and not a world away.

16 months

My sweet baby, Reese, is technically a toddler now. I'm not sure I'm ready to admit that. But she doesn't make it easy to deny, she is really growing into herself, becoming more and more independent with every day. Sniff.

Gosh, I love this kid. Her little dimples drive me wild. The way she leads with her tummy when she walks. More and more words sounding out of her little mouth (shoes, nigh-nigh, milk, dog are some of her favorites). And then the words she can understand but not say, she is so smart! Her unbelievable appetite - seriously, the girl can pack away some food.

Snuggling with her little 22-ish pound self makes me happy in a way I never thought possible. I love my little Reesy-Piecy so much!

Mother's Day was nice. Ava made me a couple of cards at preschool and at Vicki's. I feel so fortunate to have these little people in my life. Ava can stall like crazy at bedtime - but I didn't mind last night. I stalled right along with her, reading one more book and hugging her little body tightly. She is really growing up too. Too fast.

And then the day ended perfectly, with a phone call from Scot. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Happier Day

Two incredible things happened yesterday.

1. Somebody else cleaned my house.
2. Scot sent me flowers.

I still haven't talked to him (it's been 6 days now, not that I'm keeping track or anything). We've exchanged a few emails, though. I know he's busy getting used to a new job and a new sense of normal, all the while fighting jet lag. I'll get that phone call soon. The flowers are a pretty good substitute for now.

As for the first one...it's been something I've been pondering for a long time. I'm always wishing for more hours in my day. And now more than ever. So, I've allowed myself to get them. She was here for 4.5 hours this first visit (that's 4.5 hours in MY bank now), she worked really hard, and it was one of the best sounds I've heard (of course not in the sound of your own laughing child category, but pretty darn close) - listening to someone else vacuum, mop, spray, scrub, wipe. I'm sold. I'm over feeling guilty about it.

Day 5

I do it all the time, leave my cube. Get some coffee. Talk to a coworker. Fill my water bottle (though of course I don't do that one as much as I should, but I'm working on it). Get stuff at the printer. Walk to the cafeteria. Go to meetings. Get my Diet Coke out of the fridge. Go to the bathroom.

It was the last one that did me in today. Because when I got back to my cube, I saw the voicemail message in outlook. Unrecognizable number. 11:13 am. Hey, wait - it still is 11:13 am.

I missed him by a fraction of seconds. Him being the husband who left for war on Saturday. Who I haven't talked to since Sunday. And on Sunday it was only for 4 minutes and change because it was after midnight where he was, he was exhausted, and it was roaming.

The good news (?) is he reached his destination, where he will have some semblance of a routine for the first few weeks. He has made his little living space his home with Christmas lights and pictures. And he said he'd call me again tomorrow.

To tide us over, the girls and I watched some videos he taped of himself reading books. Ava's favorite is when he reads a book called Babies because he says "I love you" at the end. That is my favorite one too.

Love at first sight?

I'm overdue (again) for a catch-up post, but I don't have it in me tonight...however, I will share a moment that Ava and I had last Thursday morning before we had "Pampered Parent Day" at preschool.

Ava and I stopped at Caribou on the way over to preschool to get some coffees and pastries (Scot drove separately and was dropping Reese off at Vicki's). As we were waiting for our order, we stood next to the cart with the sugar, creamer, etc. and watched a few different women stop by and doctor up their cups. Then it was a man's turn. He looked up and saw Ava and gave her a big smile. She burrowed into my leg and shyly smiled back at him. He was barely a few steps away from us and then Ava whispered to me, "I wish Daddy looked like that man." I asked "How come?" Ava said, "Because he is so cute."

Ah...I'm still giggling about that one.